If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant “fix-me-up.”
If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that’s too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women’s motto: “I made it and you will eat it and I don’t care how bad it tastes.”
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Go to the bakery. They’ll even decorate it for you.
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I just don’t do it.
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.
Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
An Afghanistan diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The diplomat was not used to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies, etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.
Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty handed. “Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?” demanded the diplomat.
“A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One,” stammered the wretched Abdul,
“A man is sitting on the well!”
A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the results:
He works miracles.
He’s got a better idea.
He’s the real thing.
He cares enough to send His very best.
He gets the stains out that others leave behind.
He brings good things to life.
He has everything.
Try him, you’ll like Him.
You can’t see him, but you know He’s there.
He’s ready when you are.
You’re in good hands with Him.
VO-5 Hair Spray
He holds through all kinds of weather.
Aren’t you glad you have Him. Don’t you wish everybody did.
the U.S. POST OFFICE
Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination.
A sign at a business establishment in Philadelphia, PA:
“WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE
This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in
Philadelphia. You are probably outraged at the thought of such an
inflammatory statement. One would think that anti-hate groups from all
across the country would be marching on this business… And that the
National Guard might have to be called to keep the angry crowds back. But,
perhaps in these stressful times one might be tempted to let the proprietors
simply make their statement . . . We are a society who holds Freedom of
Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty . . . And after all, it is just a
You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign? Look
Answer: A Funeral Home
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month
when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life
in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as
a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or
DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
DANGEROUS: What are you SO worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here’s fifty dollars.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE . . . . .
DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn’t overdo it today.
SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe.
The definition of PMS……..Pack My Suitcase