Gee Mail

All that stuff that the grandparents forward….


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Old Dogs, Children & Watermelon Wine

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I’m ‘older’ (but refuse to grow up), here’s what I’ve discovered:

I. started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…

5. All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

6. If all is not lost, where is it?

7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8. Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.

9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few…

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

15. When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

16. It’s not hard to meet expenses… they’re everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter ..

I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after.

19. I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU OR NOT!

20. Funny, I don’t remember being, . . . absent minded…

Now I think you’re supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 10, oh send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are.

Then something is supposed to happen, I think. Maybe you get your memory back

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Philosophy

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2″ in diameter.

He then asked his students if the jar was full. They all agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. Again, they agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “Yes.”

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the jar – effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter – like your job, your house, your car.The sand is everything else. “The small stuff.” “If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups.

Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked.It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of beers.”


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USA vs Canada

This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio
conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian
authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in
October,1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees
to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15
degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship.
I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR
course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS
LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED
STATES’ ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY
THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS
SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR
COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT’S ONE FIVE DEGREES
NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO
ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call!!!


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THE COUNTRY of TEXAS

From the Archives…..

In case things get a little tough during the next few months we Texans have a plan.

Maybe you don’t know it, but Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union. (Reference the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848.) We Texans love all y’all Americans, but we’ll probably have to take action since Barack Obama won the election and is now the President of the U.S.A.
We all miss ya’all though.

Here is what can happen:

1. Barack Hussein Obama, after becoming the President of the United States, begins to try and create a socialist country, then Texas announces that it is going to secede from the Union.

2. George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic of Texas. You might not think that he talks too pretty, but we haven’t had another terrorist attack and the economy was fine until the effects of the Democrats lowering the qualifications for home loans came to roost.

So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?

1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. We will control the space industry.

2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States .

3. Defense Industry–we have over 65%

of it. The term “Don’ t mess with Texas,” will take on a whole new meaning.

4.. Oil – we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. What will the other states do? Well, we don’ t know. Why not ask Obama?

5. Natural Gas – again, we have all we need and it’ s too bad about those Northern States. John Kerry and Al Gore will just have to figure out a way to keep them warm…

6. Computer Industry – we lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications equipment – small companies like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Misconduct, Dallas Semiconductor, Nortel, Alcatel, etc. The list goes on and on.

7. Medical Care – We have the research centers for cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world, as well as other large health centers. The Houston Medical Center alone employs over 65,000 people.

8. We have enough colleges to keep educating and making smarter citizens: University of Texas , Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Texas Christian, Rice, SMU, University of Dallas , University of Houston , Baylor, UNT ( University of North Texas ), Texas Women’s University, etc. Ivy grows better in the South anyway.

9. We have an intelligent and energetic work force and it isn ‘ t restricted by a bunch of unions. Here in Texas , we are a Right to Work State and, therefore, it’ s every man and woman for themselves. We just go out and get the job done. And if we don ‘ t like the way one company operates, we get a job somewhere else.

10. We have essential control of the paper, plastics, and insurance industries, etc.

11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard, the Texas Air National Guard, and several military bases. We don ‘ t have an Army, but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an Army in 24 hours if we need one. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call the Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over the Texas Rangers.

12. We are totally self-sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs, and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables, and let ‘ s not forget seafood from the Gulf. Also, everybody down here knows how to cook’ em so that they taste good. We don ‘ t need any food.

13. Three of the ten largest cities in the United States , and twenty-three of the 100 largest cities in the United States are located in Texas . And Texas also has more land than California, New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Massachusetts, Maryland, Rhode Island, and Vermont combined.

14. Trade: Three of the ten largest ports in the United States are located in Texas .

15. We also manufacture cars down here, but we don’t need to. You see, nothing rusts in Texas so our vehicles stay beautiful and run well for decades.

This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic of Texas in good shape. There isn’t a thing out there that we need and don’t have.

Now to the rest of you folks in the United States under President Obama: Since you won’ t have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Obama will be able to drive around in his big 9 mpg SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.

You won’ t have any TV as the Space Center in Houston will cut off satellite communications.

You won’ t have any natural gas to heat your homes, but since Mr. Obama has predicted global warming, you won’ t need the gas as long as you survive the 2000 years it will take to get enough heat out of Global Warming.

In other words, the rest of ya’ll in the USA have had it!

Signed, The People of Texas

P.S. This is not a threatening letter – just a note to give you something to think about!

Sleep well tonight ‘ cause the eyes of Texas are on YOU!!

One Nation Under God!!

”Life’ s tough – it’ s even tougher if you’ re stupid.’

– John Wayne


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Grace to the Humble

451128S.jpg“He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, ‘God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble’” (James 4:6).
A person cannot be saved unless he comes to God with a humble attitude.

Today’s verse is a challenge and a promise to anyone who is not sure about his salvation, or who thinks he is saved but does not measure up to the tests of faith in James’s letter. Even the worst sinful character traits—relying on worldly wisdom, having enmity against God, lusting after fleshly and selfish desires—are no match for God’s abundant grace.
The kind of grace James is referring to here is simply God’s saving grace—His undeserved favor of forgiveness and love bestowed on all sorts of sinners. Included within that favor is the Lord’s promise of the Holy Spirit, an understanding of God’s Word, Heaven, and all spiritual blessings. Such grace is available to all who will come in faith to Christ. Nothing in this universe can prevent the truly humble and repentant person from receiving grace—not the strength of sin and depravity, not the might of Satan, not the pull of the flesh, not even the power of death.
Scripture often links humility with saving faith. That’s why James quoted from Proverbs 3:34 (“God is opposed to the proud”) to support his point in verse 6. In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus tells us: “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven” (18:3).
If you are confused or doubtful regarding your salvation, just ask yourself, “Have I humbly submitted myself to God in faith and repentance?” If you have humbled yourself before God, rejoice! You are by definition a believer, one of the humble. Otherwise, you need to pray with the attitude of the tax gatherer in Luke 18:13, “God, be merciful to me, the sinner!” and receive His abundant grace.
Suggestions for Prayer
Thank God for His continual grace, which He pours out to those who are humble before Him.
For Further Study
Read James 1—2.

  • What tests of true faith are discussed there?
  • How are we to respond to each of them?
  • Reflect on your response to these issues in the past. How could you improve?

From Strength for Today by John MacArthur Copyright © 1997. Used by permission of Crossway Books, a division of Good News Publishers, Wheaton, IL 60187, www.crossway.com.
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