Gee Mail

All that stuff that the grandparents forward….

Monthly Archives: January 2012


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Car show at the mall

Classic Pontiac LeMans owner arrives at Car Show early in order to get the best display spot.

Then, the next classic car, a ’40 Ford shows up and grabs the second stall…

Next, This woman plows through. She was actually texting while driving through a mall parking lot!!!

She was busy Texting and didn’t notice the nice cars on the other side of the curb she was about to jump – never touched the brake and stayed on the throttle even after impact.


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Finally, computer settings that I can understand!

______
… INTERNET REALITY ….

Have a great day!

BE KIND TO OUR EMAIL FRIENDS

If you forward this email, please delete the forwarding history which includes my email address. It is a courtesy to me and others who may not wish to have their email addresses sent all over the world. Deleting the history helps prevent spammers from mining addresses and also prevents viruses from being propagated. To delete the forwarding history, simply highlight it and then hit delete.

Please also use the BCC address line when forwarding emails as it will also help to keep from broadcasting your friends’ email addresses to subsequent emailers who are not as considerate as you.

Thank you.


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Tech Support

Tech Support:What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one.

……………………………………….

.

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my DVD

out !!!

Tech Support: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, I’m sure it’s really stuck.

Tech Support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.

Customer: No, wait a minute, I hadn’t inserted it

yet. It’s still on my desk . . . sorry. Thank you.

……………………………………….

.

Tech Support: Click on the ‘MY COMPUTER’ icon on the

left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

………………………………………

.

Tech Support: Hello. How may I help you?

Male Customer: Hi .. . . I can’t print.

Tech Support: Would you click on ‘START’ for me and . .

Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on

me. I’m not Billi Gates!!!

………………………………………

.

Customer: Good afternoon, this is Martha. I can’t

print. Every time I try, it says . . . ‘CAN’T FIND

PRINTER’. I even lifted the printer and placed it

in front of the monitor, but the computer still

says it can’t find it!!!

……………………………………….

.

Customer: I have problems printing in red.

Tech Support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah . . . . . .. . . . . thank you.

……………………………………….

.

Tech Support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?

Customer: A teddy bear that my boyfriend bought for

me at the 7-11 store.

………………………………………..

.

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech Support: Are you sure your keyboard is plugged

into the computer?

Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.

Tech Support: Pick up your keyboard and take ten

steps backwards.

Customer: Okay..

Tech Support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes.

Tech Support: That means the keyboard is not plugged

in. Is there another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Wait a

moment please. . .. . . . . Ah, that one does work.

Thanks.

……………………………………….

.

Tech Support: Your password is the small letter ‘a’ as in

apple, a capital letter ‘V’ as in Victor, and the number ‘7’.

Customer: Is that ‘7’ in capital letters?

………………………………………

.

Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.

Tech Support: Are you absolutely sure you used the

correct password?

Customer: Yes, I’m sure I saw my co-worker do it.

Tech Support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five dots.

………………………………………

.

Tech Support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape

Tech Support: That’s not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry . . . Internet Explorer.

……………………………………….

.

Customer: I have a huge problem! My friend has

placed a screen saver on my computer . . . but,

every time I move my mouse, it disappears.

……………………………………….

.

Tech Support: How may I help you?

Customer: I’m writing my first email.

Tech Support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address,

but how do I get the little circle around it.

……………………………………….

.

A woman customer called the Canon help desk because

she had a problem with her printer.

Tech Support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that

is a good point. The man sitting next to me is by

a window, and his printer is working fine!

………………………………………..

.

.

And last, but not least . . .

Tech Support: Okay Bob, press the control and escape

keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the

middle of the screen. Now, type the letter ‘P’ to bring

up the Program Manager.

Customer: I don’t have a ‘P’.

Tech Support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech Support: ‘P’ . . . on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!

………………………………………

.

This makes me feel better about my computer skills!


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Exercise after 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.


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LIGHT in Power Outage

I never thought about those solar lights…….good idea!

I really like this idea. This is now on the TOP of my shopping list!

Last week, a thunderstorm rolled through our neighborhood and a huge oak tree came down on some power lines, creating a power outage for a large area around us. We lost power for about 5 hours.

We were scrambling around in the darkness, looking for matches, candles, flashlights, etc.

We looked Outside, and noticed our solar lights shining brightly all around our patio, stairs, dock, etc. They were beautiful. We walked outside, and brought several of the solar lights inside.

We stuck the solar light pipes into plastic drink bottles containers and they made the nicest, brightest, safest, lighting you could ever imagine.

We put one in the bathroom, the kitchen, the living room, etc. There was plenty of light.

There are all types of solar lights available. We bought ours at Harbor Freight. We put them all around our yard. They look nice and they do not attract flying bugs like the outdoor lights around our doorway.

The lights we have fit into the small (20oz) water bottles and they also fit into most of the larger liter bottles. If you need a weight in the plastic bottle to keep them from tipping over,
you can put a few of the pretty colorful "flat marbles" that they put in aquariums, and vases. (you can also use sand, aquarium gravel, etc., whatever you have available).

The lights we have were perfect inside our home. They burn all night long if you need them.

The next day, you just take your solar lights back outside and they will instantly recharge and be ready for you to use again any time you need them.

Perfect for power outages!~


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(c)Bits frm Bob – Enjoy the funnies…

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:

“Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.”

The priest replied: “That was a wonderful thing you did my son, and you have no need to confess that.”

“There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours.This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.”

The priest said, “That was a long time ago, and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.”

“Thank you, Father. That’s a great load off my mind. I do have one more question.” “And what is that?” asked the priest. “Should I tell her the war is over?”

WORDS OF WISDOM FOR THE NEW YEAR

TEN THOUGHTS TO PONDER

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.
Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky, not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Number 2
In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Number 1
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers; what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

– – – and as someone recently said to me:

“Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last long.”


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This Year’s New Snow Sculptures

Spectacular snow sculptures


I


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Humor: Dance, Texas style… (Oldie But Goodie)

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired
Old mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clearh his parched throat.

He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a
Young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a
Bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old
Man, can you dance?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I don’t dance…
Never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old
Fool, you’re gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man’s feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping
Around like a flea on a hot skillet.

Everybody standing around was laughing.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing,
Holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge
Shotgun and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped
Laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.

The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at
The old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12 gauge barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man’s hands, as he
Quietly said;

"Son, have you ever kissed a mule’s ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir… But… But I’ve always
Wanted to."

There are a few lessons for all of us here:

* Don’t be arrogant.
* Don’t waste ammunition.
* Whiskey makes you think you’re smarter than you really are.
* Always make sure you know who is in control.
* And finally, don’t mess around with old folks; they didn’t get old by
Being stupid.

I just love a story with a happy ending, don’t you?


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Why men are seldom depressed:

Men Are Just Happier People —
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is
just too icky.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color..
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look..
You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
. If Sheila, Candy and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other
Sheila, Candy and Sarah.
. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each
other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman .

EATING OUT
. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even
though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and
none will actually admit they want change back..
. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.