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All that stuff that the grandparents forward….

Monthly Archives: February 2011

Nine Words Little Words

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NINE WORDS WOMEN USE(1)Fine:This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2)Five Minutes:If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3)Nothing:This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4)Go Ahead:This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5)Loud Sigh:This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A

loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6)That’s Okay:This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7)Thanks:A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’. that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8)Whatever:Is a woman’s way of saying The h— with YOU!

(9)Don’t worry about it, I got it:Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s w ron g?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they canavoid if they remember the terminology.

* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it’s true!!!











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A Father & Daughter Discussion

			

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A Father & Daughter Discussion 


A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very Liberal Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much


in Favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other Words; redistribution of wealth.


She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the Lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.


One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to Higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs.


The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to Be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by Asking how she was doing in school.


Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that She was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people She knew. She didn’t even have time for a boyfriend, and didn’t really have many college friends, because she spent all her time studying.


Her father listened and then asked , ‘How is your friend Audrey doing?’ She replied, ‘ Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She Is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She’s always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn’t even show up for classes because she’s too hung over.’


Her wise father asked his daughter, ‘Why don’t you go to the Dean’s office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA, and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.’ The daughter, visibly shocked by her father’s suggestion, angrily fired back, ‘That’s a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I’ve worked really hard for my grades! I’ve invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!’


The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, ‘Welcome to The Republican party.’


If anyone has a better explanation of the difference between Republican and Democrat I’m all ears.


If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!


If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.


If a liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.


If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat..


If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for


everyone.


If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.


If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.


If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.


A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.


If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.


Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.


If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.


A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.


If a conservative reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.


A liberal will delete it because he’s “offended”.


Well, I forwarded it to you.


“I must go to work. There are people on welfare counting on me”!









		
	
			
					

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Icebergs in Lake Michigan

	


	

					
Icebergs in Lake Michigan sometimes have stripes, formed by layers of snow that react to different conditions. Blue stripes are often created when a crevice in the ice sheet fills up with melt water and freezes so quickly that no bubbles form. When an iceberg falls into the lake, a layer of water can freeze to the underside. If this is rich in algae, it can form a green stripe. Brown, black and yellow lines are caused by sediment, picked up when the ice sheet grinds downhill towards the lake.


Frozen Wave Pixs – Nature is amazing!


The water froze the instant the wave broke through the ice. That’s what it is like in Lake Michigan where it is the coldest weather in decades. Water freezes the instant it comes in contact with the air. The temperature of the water is already some degrees below freezing. Just look at how the wave froze in mid-air!!!


		
		



					
		
	



					



	

		

			
Stimulus money……

			

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It is a slow day in the small Colorado town of Pumphandle and streets

are deserted.Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on

credit.


A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and

lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms

upstairs to pick one for the night.


As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs

next door to pay his debt to the butcher.


The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt

to the pig farmer.


The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his

supplier, the Co-op.


The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the

local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to

offer her “services” on credit.


The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel

owner.


The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the

traveler will not suspect anything.


At that moment the traveler comes down

the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the

$100 bill and leaves.


No one produced anything.


No one earned anything…


However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future

with a lot more optimism.


And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a “stimulus package” works.












			
					

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Brazilian

			

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The Department of Defense briefed the president this morning. They told President Obama that two Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. To everyone’s surprise, all the color drained from Obama’s face. Then he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears. Finally, he composed himself and asked, “Just how many is a Brazilian?”

This is not surprising, since he obviously has no understanding of billion or trillion, either.

			
					

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Aggressive & Hostile

			

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A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes strides toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer’s ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms.


The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.


When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the ‘violator’ for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.


The officer says, "That’s so when we go to court, I’ll remember that you’re an asshole!"


Two months later they’re in court. The ‘violator’ has a bad driving record and he is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.


On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light.


Under cross examination the defense attorney asks ; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"


Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant’s copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."


Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don’t normally make?"


"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."


"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"


"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."


"Aggressive and hostile?"


"Yes, Sir.”


"Officer, are you sure it doesn’t stand for asshole?"


“Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.”


How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client?









			
					

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Mt. Rainer & Mt. St. Helens

			

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This is extremely interesting, and the pictures are amazing!!


Those NOT living in Tacoma, Washingtonor the surrounding areas can still appreciate these pictures.

This occurred on Friday, 4-09-10.

It was so amazing people were pulling over on the freeway to take pictures

MT.Rainier puts on a show!


by Scott Sistek




Our little drought was about to come to an end. 


But if you looked at MT. Rainier that day, you would have known that.

Take a look at some of these incredible clouds captured over Mt. Rainier that day.






Those are called "lenticular clouds" They’re caused when the air flow is just right so


when it flows over Mt. Rainier, the air gets pushed upward where it cools and condenses


into clouds.


Depending on how smooth the flow is, you can get some amazing clouds


formations as we’ve seen so far to day. It’s usually a sign of rain within 24 hours because


typically the moist flow that precedes a storm around here is the perfect set-up for these clouds.










View from GigHarbor







		
		





		
		




And one over Mount St. Helen’s is truly breathtaking:




Pretty amazing, huh!?!










			
					

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Three Contractors

			

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Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.


All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.


The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”


The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”


The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”


The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”


The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”


“Done!” replies the government official.


And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan works.The Chicago Way.


















			
					

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Football in Texas

			

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There was an unusual high school football game played in Grapevine,  Texas .  The game was between GRAPEVINE   Faith Academy and the  Gainesville    State School .  Faith is a Christian school and Gainesville State School is located within a maximum security correction facility.


Gainesville State School has 14 players. They play every game on the  road. Their record was 0-8. They’ve only scored twice. Their 14 players  are teenagers who have been convicted of crimes ranging from drugs to assault to robbery. Most had families who had disowned them.  They wore  outdated, used shoulder pads and helmets. Faith Academy was 7-2. They  had 70 players, 11 coaches, and the latest equipment.


Chris Hogan, the head coach at Faith Academy , knew the Gainesville team  would have no fans and it would be no contest, so he thought, “What if half of our fans and half of our cheerleaders, for one night only,  cheered for the other team?”  He sent out an email to the faithful asking them to do just that. “Here’s the message I want you to send,”  Hogan wrote. “You’re just as valuable as any other person on the   planet.”


Some folks were confused and thought he was nuts. One player said,  “Coach, why are we doing this?” Hogan said, “Imagine you don’t have a home life, no one to love you, no one pulling for you. Imagine that everyone pretty much had given up on you. Now, imagine what it would  feel like and mean to you for hundreds of people to suddenly believe in you.”


The idea took root. On the night of the game, imagine the surprise of  those 14 players when they took the field and there was a banner the  cheerleaders had made for them to crash through. The visitors’ stands were full. The cheerleaders were leading cheers for them. The fans were  calling them by their names. Isaiah, the quarterback-middle linebacker said, “I never in my life thought I would hear parents cheering to  tackle and hit their kid. Most of the time, when we come out, people are  afraid of us. You can see it in their eyes, but these people are yelling  for us. They knew our names.”


Faith won the game, and after the game the teams gathered at the 50-yard  line to pray. That’s when Isaiah, the teenage convict-quarterback surprised everybody and asked if he could pray.   he prayed, “Lord, I  don’t know what just happened so I don’t know how or who to say thank  you to, but I never knew there were so many people in the world who cared about us.”  On the way back to the bus, under guard, each one of  the players was handed a burger, fries, a coke, candy, a Bible, and an  encouraging letter from the players from Faith Academy .


What an incredible act of Christian witness and kindness and goodness  that was.  Proverbs 11:17 says, “Your own soul is nourished when you are  kind.” Proverbs 3:27 says, “Do not withhold good when it is in your  power to act.”


Be kind to someone this week. Be kind to every person you meet. You might be amazed at what God will do with asimple act of kindness.


               Now click here


  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52AOPQvCTv4&NR=1

			
					

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Three unusual brothers

			

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 If animals can get along like this, why can’t man do the same? someone should talk to God about this.They make an unlikely trio, but Baloo the bear, Leo the lion and Shere Khan the tiger have forged an unusually strong bond.

Considering that they would be mortal enemies if they ever were to meet in the wild, it is stunning to see their unique and genuine friendship in these intimate pictures.

Rescued eight years ago during a police drugs raid in  Atlanta, Georgia , the three friends were only cubs at the time at barely two months old. 




They had been kept as status symbol pets by the drug barons. Delivered to the Noah’s Ark Animal Rescue Centre in Locust Grove , Georgia , the decision was made to keep the youngsters together, because of their budding rapport. ‘We could have separated them, but since they came as a kind of family, the zoo decided to keep them together,’ said Diane Smith, assistant director of Noah’s Ark.  ‘To our knowledge, this is the only place where you’ll find this combination of animals together.’ Living with the zoo’s founders for the past eight years, Shere Khan, Baloo and Leo have now moved to a purpose-built habitat where the US public can now witness first hand their touching relationships. ‘We didn’t have the money to move them at first,’ said Diane.


‘Now their habitat is sorted and they have been moved away from the children’s zoo areas where the public couldn’t really get a good look.


‘It is possible to see Baloo, who is a 1000lb bear, Shere Khan, a 350lb tiger and Leo, who is also 350lbs, messing around like brothers.


‘They are totally oblivious to the fact that in any other circumstance they would not be friends.’  


Handled by Charles and Jama Hedgecoth, the zoo’s owners and founders, the three friendly giants appear to have no comprehension of their animal differences.


‘Baloo and Shere Khan are very close,’ says Diane.


‘That is because they rise early, and as Leo is a lion, he likes to spend most of the day sleeping.


‘It is wonderful and magical to see a giant American Black Bear put his arm around a Bengal and then to see the tiger nuzzle up to the bear like a domestic cat.


‘When Leo wakes up the three of them mess around for most of the day before they settle down to some food.’ 




Surprisingly for three apex predators with the power to kill with a single bite or swipe of their paw, they are very relaxed around each other.


‘They eat, sleep and play together,’ said Jama.


‘As they treat each other as siblings they will lie on top of each other for heat and simply for affection.


‘At the moment they are getting used to their new habitat.


‘Shere Khan is being quite reticent about the move, but Baloo, the bear, is very good at leading him on and making him feel comfortable and safe.’  


Explaining that the three ‘brothers’ have always seemed to share a unique bond, Charles said: ‘Noah’s Ark is their home and they could not possibly be separated from each other.


‘You just have to remember who you’re dealing with when you are with them, though.  ‘It’s when you forget that these fellows are wild animals that you get yourself in trouble.’  


The trio’s new habitat had to be constructed carefully, in order to accommodate its occupants.


Jama said: ‘The clubhouse had to be very sturdy for the guys, because they all sleep in it together,’  


She added: ‘We had to include a creek, because the tiger and the bear both like to be in water.’

			
					

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