When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what
with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways
through year-round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their
backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A
average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile
mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their
family from starving to death!
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in
hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how
hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!
Now that I’ve reached the ripe old age of thirty-two, I can’t help but
look around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so
I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a darned Utopia! And I
hate to say it but you kids today, you don’t know how good you’ve got
I mean, when I was a kid……..
We didn’t have the Internet – we wanted to know something, we had to go
to the library and look it up ourselves! And there was no email!
We had to actually write somebody a letter-with a pen!. And then you
had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the freakin’
mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
And there were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had
to go to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to
wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually
talk over the beginning and screw it all up! We didn’t have fancy crap
like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called
they got a busy signal!
And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID Boxes either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was…..it could be your
boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug dealer – you didn’t
know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
And we didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with
high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like
"Space Invaders" and "Asteroids", and the graphics sucked! Your guy
was a little square! Lest we forget PONG!
You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or
screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never
win……the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died!
JUST LIKE LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater, there was no such thing as stadium
seating! All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in front of
you, you were screwed!
And sure, we had cable television, but back then there was only like 20
channels and there was no on-screen menu! You had to use a little book
called a TV Guide to find out what was on!
And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on
Saturday morning… …D’ya hear what I’m saying!?! We had to wait ALL
WEEK, you spoiled little people!
That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too
easy. You’re spoiled, I swear! You guys wouldn’t last five minutes back