Gee Mail

All that stuff that the grandparents forward….


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Japenese Error Messages

With all the PC problems we’ve been having, thought you’d appreciate these…
Here are 16 actual error messages seen on the computer screens in Japan,
where they are written in Haiku. Aren’t these better than “your computer
has performed an illegal operation”?
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The Web site you seek Cannot be located, but Countless more exist.
——————————————–
Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.
———————————————–
Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too
much.
————————————————
Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your
screams.
————————————————-
Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.
————————————————-
Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone.
——————————————-
Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is
down.
————————————————-
A crash reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone.
————————————————-
Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has
occurred.
————————————————-
You step in the stream, But the water has moved on. This page is not
here.
————————————————-
Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, But we never will.
————————————————
Having been erased, The document you’re seeking Must now be retyped.
————————————————-
Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind. Both are
blank.
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For the Birds…

This is your laugh for the day

Two robins were sitting in a tree. “I’m really hungry,” said the first one. “Let’s fly down and find some lunch.” They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more. “I m so full, I don’t think I can fly back up into the tree,” said the first one. “Let’s just lay back here and bask in the warm sun,” said the second. “OK,” said the first.

So they plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big fat tomcat up and gobbled them up. As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought…
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(ready??)
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(you’re gonna like this one)
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“I JUST LOVE BASKIN ROBINS.”


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Taxi Driver

A Passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him
something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus,
drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass
window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,
"Please don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't
realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the
driver replied, "I'm very sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today
is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25
years."


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Job Applicant

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a
McDonald’s fast-food establishment in Florida…and they hired him because
he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be
applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
style
severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more
intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do
you have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with
a
fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I’m the greatest
thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.


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When Aging Reality Sets In

1. Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and
start bragging about it.
2. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re getting old. Squash their toes with
your rocker.
3. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
4. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me. I want people to
know why I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads
weren’t paved.
5. Maturity means being emotionally and mentally healthy. It is that time
when you know when to say yes and when to say no, and when to say WHOOPEE!
6. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
7. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of
Algebra.
8. I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
9. The golden years are really just metallic years, gold in the tooth,
silver in your hair, and lead in the seat.
10.Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of
80 and gradually approach 18.
11.One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a
nice change from being young. One must wait until evening to see how
splendid the day has been.
12.Age seldom arrives smoothly or quickly. It is more often a succession
of jerks.
13.Yeah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
14.Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled, and blind
they don’t recognize you.
15.If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh
at when you are old.


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It Takes Years to Learn These Truths

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill
and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the
human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its
full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental
illness.”
4. People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to
take it too seriously.
7. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is
always one individual who perceives a solution and is
willing to take command. Very often, that individual is
crazy.
8. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and
dance.
9. Never lick a steak knife.
10. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
11. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
12. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear
and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings
time.
13. You should never say anything to a woman that even
remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you
can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
14. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless
of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic
background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that
we are above average drivers.
15. The main accomplishment of almost all organized
protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
16. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter is
not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention.
It never fails.)
17. Your friends love you anyway.
18. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a
lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals
built the Titanic.


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A Man Is / A woman

A man is a person who, if a woman says, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself; lets
her.

A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, “Never mind, I’ll do it
myself,” and he lets her; gets mad.

A man is a person who, if a woman says to him, “Never mind, I’ll do it
myself,” and he lets her and she get mad; says, “Now what are you mad
about?”

A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, “Never mind, I’ll do it
myself,” and he lets her and she get mad, and he says, “Now what are mad
about?” says, “If you don’t know I’m not going to tell you.”