Gee Mail

All that stuff that the grandparents forward….

An old Texan and Jesus

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This old Texas cowboy went to the local church and asked if he could join.

The preacher said, "OK, but you have to pass a small Bible test first."

He only got as far as the first question, "Where was Jesus born?"

The old man answered, " Longview ."

The preacher said, "Sorry, that’s the wrong answer. You can’t join our church."

Soooooo, he went to another church and asked if he could join.

The preacher said, "We would love to have you, but you have to pass a Bible test first.

Where was Jesus born?"

The man said, " Tyler "

The preacher said, "Sorry, that ain’t the right answer. You can’t join our church."

Soooo … he goes to another church, and again asks to join.

This time, the preacher said, "That’s great; we welcome you with open arms."

The man said, "You mean it? I don’t have to pass no Bible test first?"

The preacher said, "No."

The man said, "Well in that case, can I ask you a question?"

The preacher said, "Sure."

The man said, "Where was Jesus born?"

The preacher replied, "In Palestine."

The man mumbled to himself, "Well Hell, I knew it was over in east Texas ,somewhere."

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Who knew – Cannon Balls!!!

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It was necessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls near the cannon on old war ships. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck was the problem. The storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid, with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen.

Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem — how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others.

The solution was a metal plate with 16 round indentations, called, for reasons unknown, a Monkey. But if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make them of brass – hence, BrassMonkeys.

Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled.


Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.

Thus, it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. And all this time, folks thought that was just a vulgar expression?

You must send this fabulous bit of historical knowledge to at least a few intellectual friends.

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Hymn #365

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This is a hoot, but I suspect the minister didn’t appreciate it.

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, " If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had

All the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river."

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he

Said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world,

I’d take it and pour it into the river ."

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced

with a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing song,

Let us sing Hymn #365, ‘Shall We Gather at the River. ‘"

Smile, life is too short not to!

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New Army Rifle

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The XM25 Counter Defilade Target Engagement System has a range of roughly 2,300 feet – and is to be deployed in Afghanistan soon. I would call it the “Equalizer.” Some call it the “Punisher”.

The rifle’s gunsight uses a laser rangefinder to determine the exact distance to the obstruction, after which the soldier can add or subtract up to 3 meters from that distance to enable the bullets to clear the barrier and explode above or beside the target.

Soldiers will be able to use them to target snipers hidden in trenches rather than calling in air strikes.

The 25-millimeter round contains a chip that receives a radio signal from the gun sight as to the precise distance to the target.

Lt. Col. Christopher Lehner, project manager for the system, described the weapon as a ‘game-changer’ that other nations will try and copy.

He expects the Army to buy 12,500 of the XM25 rifles this year, enough for every member of the infantry and special forces.

Lehner told FoxNews: “With this weapon system, we take away cover from [enemy targets] forever. Tactics are going to have to be rewritten. The only thing we can see [enemies] being able to do is run away.”

Experts say the rifle means that enemy troops will no longer be safe if they take cover. The XM25 appears to be the perfect weapon for street-to-street fighting that troops in Afghanistan have to engage in, with enemy fighters hiding behind walls and only breaking cover to fire occasionally.

The weapon’s laser finder would work out how far away the enemy was and then the U.S. soldier would add one meter using a button near the trigger.

When fired, the explosive round would carry exactly one meter past the wall and explode with the force of a hand grenade above the Taliban fighter.

The army’s project manager for new weapons, Douglas Tamilio, said: ‘‘This is the first leap-ahead technology for troops that we’ve been able to develop and deploy.”

A patent granted to the bullet’s maker, Alliant Techsystems, reveals that the chip can determine how far it has travelled. Mr. Tamilio said: “You could shoot a Javelin missile, and it would cost about $69,000. These rounds will end up costing $25.00 apiece.”

They’re relatively cheap. Lehner added: “This is a game-changer. The enemy has learned to get cover, for hundreds if not thousands of years. Well, they can’t do that anymore. We’re taking that cover from them and there’s only two outcomes: We’re going to get you behind that cover or force you to flee.” The rifle will initially use high-explosive rounds, but its makers say that it might later use versions with smaller explosive charges that aim to stun rather than kill.

What one of the revolutionary bullets looks like that can be pre-programmed to explode to hit troops that are hiding.

GO USA !!!

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What $5.44 gallon gas brings

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What $5.44 gas brings to your Driveway!

The Smart Car
What we will be forced to drive quite soon.

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But look at all of the ‘great new choices’

We will have evolving from ‘The SMART Car’….
The Smorvette!
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The Smaudi A3 AWD!
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The Smamborghini!
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The Smorsche!
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The Smerrari!
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And last,but not least,

The Smustang

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LAUGHTER IS GOD’S GIFT TO US TO HELP EASE THE PAINS OF
LIFE’S TOUGH TIMES.

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THE GERMAN ARTISTS ARE AT IT AGAIN…

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THE GERMAN ARTISTS ARE AT IT AGAIN…
Here are 7 pictures of European trucks whose trailers are decorated to look like the sides are missing and the products they are hauling are painted on the sides and back. The first one is of a bottle of beer and looks so real, like it is coming out the side of the trailer..

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The second is of canvas tote bag.

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The third is of Pepsi cases and they are all stacked on the ceiling, and the bottom of the trailer is empty.

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The fourth is of another truck with the windshield facing the back and there has been a driver painted in the driver’s seat looking back over his shoulder to appear like he is driving backwards. (Now this one is just plain scary, even when the German reads ‘On the wrong way?’)

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The fifth one is of an aquarium with fish swimming in it.

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The sixth one is of a bookshelf with books lined up in it and a post-it-note with an advertisement on it, probably for the company that sells the books.

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The last one is for Pringles-Hot & Spicy. The ‘inside’ of the trailer has the appearance of having been through a fire.

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Chinese Proverb:
‘When someone shares something of value with you, and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others

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Pennies

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You always hear the usual stories of pennies on the sidewalk being good luck, gifts from angels, etc. This is the first time I’ve ever heard this twist on the story. Gives you something to think about…..

Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband’s employer’s home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house.

The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband’s employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so was enjoying herself immensely.

As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband.. He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.

Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts. Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny.
He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up?

Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She casually mention ed that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value. A smile crept across the man’s face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see.. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this? ‘Look at it,’ he said. ‘Read what it says.’ She read the words ‘ United States of America ..’ ‘No, not that; read further.’ ‘One cent?’ ‘No, keep reading.’
‘In God we Trust?’ ‘Yes!’ ‘And… ?’

He explained, ‘And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him. Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as my response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God’s way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful! ‘

When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I cannot change. I read the words, ‘In God We Trust,’ and had to laugh. Yes, God, I get the message.

It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient..

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