Fourteen Things to do at Wal-mart while your spouse is taking his or her sweet time:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people’s carts when they aren’t looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, ‘Code 3 in housewares’,…and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.
6. Move a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”
9. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from’Mission Impossible’.
11. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
12. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say”PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!” and last but not least,
14. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly, “Hey! We’re out of toilet paper in here!”
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me...I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then ...........", he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."