Gee Mail

All that stuff that the grandparents forward….

Why We Love Our Kids

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I was driving with my three young children one warm
summer evening when a
woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and
waved. She was stark naked!
As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
five-year-old shout from the
back seat, “Mom! That lady isn’t wearing a seat
belt!”

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the
bathroom to tell me he’d dropped
his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and
threw it in the garbage.
Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran
to my bathroom and came
out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with
a charming little smile,
“We better throw this one out too then, ’cause it
fell in the toilet a few
days ago.”

On the first day of school, a first grader handed
his teacher a note from his
mother. The note read, “The opinions expressed by
this child are not
necessarily those of his parents.”

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come
out of the jar. During
her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-
year old daughter to
answer the phone. “It’s the minister, Mommy,” the
child said to her mother.
Then she added, “Mommy can’t come to the phone to
talk to you right now.
She’s hitting the bottle.”

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself
in the women’s locker
room. When he was spotted, he room burst into
shrieks, with ladies grabbing
towels and running for cover. The little boy watched
in amazement and then
asked, “What’s the matter haven’t you ever seen a
little boy before?”

POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an
elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about six years old.
Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, “Are you a cop?” “Yes,” I
answered and continued writing
the report. “My mother said if I ever needed help I
should ask the police.
Is that right?” “Yes, that’s right,” I told her.
“Well, then,” she said as
she extended her foot toward me, “would you please
tie my shoe?”

POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police
van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner,
Jake, was barking, and I
saw a little boy staring in at me. “Is that a dog
you got back there?” he
asked. “It sure is,” I replied. Puzzled, the boy
looked at me and then
towards the back of the van. Finally he said,
“What’d he do?”

ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers
lunches to elderly shut-ins,
I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my
afternoon rounds. She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of
old age, particularly the
canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of
false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself
for the inevitable barrage
of questions, she merely turned and whispered, “The
tooth fairy will never
believe this!”

DRESS~UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a
party. When she saw her
dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, “Daddy, you
shouldn’t wear that suit.”
“And why not, darling?” “You know that it always
gives you a headache next
morning.”

DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his
church, our minister heard
the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar
wilt. Apparently, his
five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that
proper burial should be performed, they had secured
a small box and cotton
batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the
disposal of the deceased. The
minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate
prayers and with sonorous
dignity intoned his version of what he thought his
father always said: “Glory
be unto the Faaaather. and unto the Sonnn….. and
into the hole he gooooes.”

SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of
school. “I’m just wasting
my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I
can’t write and they won’t
let me talk!”

BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out
of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an
old leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages. “Mama, look what I
found”, the boy called out.
“What have you got there, dear”? With astonishment
in the young boy’s voice,
he answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!”

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