Gee Mail

All that stuff that the grandparents forward….

Answering Machine at the Mental health hotline.

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“Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline……”

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatededly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the
line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell
you which number to press.

If you are a Bipolar II ,press the number corresponding to the number
of BMW’s that you want to buy

If you are Bipolar I it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one
will answer. and you are right, no one likes you.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have a generalized anxiety disorder, please fidget with the
pound key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone
number,date of birth,social security number, and your mother’s maiden
name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y
c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If
you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy
to talk to you.

If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay down, and cry.

If you are stressed out press every number, stand up and scream and
quietly go back to your work!

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