Gee Mail

All that stuff that the grandparents forward….


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Terrorist Leader Released

The US Navy today announced that it has released a senior Al Quida terrorist after questioning him extensively for 27 days while he was held prisoner aboard a US aircraft carrier in the Arabian Sea. In a humanitarian gesture the terrorist was given $50 US and a white Ford Fairlane automobile upon being released from custody. The attached photo shows the terrorist on his way home just after being released by the Navy.


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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why did the chicken cross the road? Answers according to:

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not.
The chicken is either with us or it is against us.There is no middle
ground here.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the
chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two
different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to
bring greater services to the American people.

COLIN POWELL: Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the
satellite image of The chicken crossing the road.

HANZ BLIX: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have
not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador): The chicken did not cross the
road. This is a complete fabrication. We don’t even have a chicken.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RALPH NADER: The chicken’s habitat on the original side of the road
had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not
reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was
crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don’t know why the chicken crossed the road, but I’ll
bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I’ll bet
someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens
with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more
ofthis can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by
their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I’m talking about your
money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens
to cross.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the farmer’s market to sell my eggs
when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any
insider information.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t
you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was
goingto the “other side.” That’s what they call it — the other side. Yes,
my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will
become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless
phrases like “the other side.”

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a
toad? Yes, The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I’ve not been
told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be
free to cross roads without having their motives called into
question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good
enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming
story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to
accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was an historical inevitability.

VOLTAIRE: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend
to the death its right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many
more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and
balance your checkbook – and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part
of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road
move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you
mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the
chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the
road,and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?


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Chauffeur (this one is funny)

Billy Graham had just finished a tour of the Florida East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur didn’t have much of a choice, so he got in the back of the limo and Billy took the wheel.

He turned onto I-95 and accelerated to about 90 MPH. WHAM! The blue lights of the State Highway Patrol flashed in his rearview mirror. He pulled over and a trooper came to his window. When the trooper saw who it was, he said, “Just a moment, please, I need to call in.”

The trooper radioed in and asked for the chief. He said, “I have a REALLY important person pulled over and I need to know what to do.” The chief replied, “Who is it, not Ted Kennedy again?” The trooper said, “No, even more important.” It isn’t the Governor Jeb Bush, is it?” asked the chief. “No, even more important,” replied the trooper. “It isn’t the President George Bush, is it?” “No,” replied the trooper, “even more important.”

“Well, WHO in the WORLD is it?!” screamed the chief. The trooper responded: “I don’t know for sure but I think it might be Jesus, because his chauffeur is Billy Graham!”