Gee Mail

All that stuff that the grandparents forward….


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Clones

I’m forwarding this recently received missive because I know your philosophical, highly insightful mind will revel in the legal complexities……..

In light of the news of the so-called human cloning going on, we have to ask ourselves the hypothetical question: If you pushed your naked clone off the top of a tall building, would it be:

A) murder,

B) suicide, or

C) merely making an obscene clone fall…


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NO MORE WITH ME

“I’m sorry. Please forgive me! I don’t mean to hold you up,” he said as he struggled to get off the escalator.

I’ll admit to it. There have been times when walking or driving behind an older person I’ve gotten impatient and upset. I’ve huffed and zoomed around them because I was in a hurry to get nowhere. Perhaps I’m more aware of it now because I see myself there one day soon. Today I saw myself in this old man’s shoes and it caused me to slow down, stop and
ask for his forgiveness.

He was about five or six people ahead of me. I was in a hurry and saw him as an obstacle. I’ve seen people get off the end of an escalator and stop dead in their tracks, gather their things and suddenly there’s a pile up of angry people behind them. You can’t stop an escalator full of people behind you. Like the Energizer bunny, they keep on goin’.

This man was well aware of the challenge. He tried d! esperately to step aside. Fumbling with his small packages, struggling to gain his footing, you could see how troubling this was for him. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me! I don’t mean to hold you up,” he said as he struggled to get off the escalator.

I suddenly saw this in a whole new light. It was like I was watching my future. I felt sorry for him. I felt sick to my stomach because this man was apologizing to everyone, when we should have been helping him and calming his fears.

One by one, people zipped around him. I heard a few angry comments whispered as one lady passed by him.

I saw me.

By the time I got to him he was just about steady on his feet.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know there was more,” he said.

“No, sir. No more with me,” I said. This really hit me hard. I realized right then how sad it was that the world was in such a hurry. That, of course, included me. But…no more with me. Count me out.

This wonderful man paid his dues. For whatever time he had spent on this earth, he most likely walked many rough roads and too many important miles. Now he should be apologizing for moving slower?

My heart ached as I looked into his eyes. I wished that I could see what he had seen all those years. His face weathered from life itself, was creased and wrinkled. The small soft pockets under his eyes and the gentle lines that curved up and around them told me he had many happy moments, too. Those were traces left behind from laughter and a smiling, happy man.

“My friend, can I help you with those things?” I asked.

Hesitant at first, he finally said, “Well, yes, thank you!”

I placed my hand under his left arm and walked with him a safe distance away from the rush of people.

“So what are you shopping for, sir?”

“Oh, just a little something for my neighbor. She’s a young mother raising kids on her own. She’s always so nice to me. I thought a box of candy for Mother’s Day…” he said, stopping suddenly as he searched his inside pocket of his sport coat.

“Do you need something?” I asked.

“Oh, no. Here. I think I have it right here. I always carry them with me,” he said. Then pulling out a hand full of papers he shuffled through them and handed me a business card that read:

“John A. Pomicter
Friend to all…enemy to no one!
I said a prayer today and you were the answer. Thank you!”

“That’s for you,” he said. “Thanks for stopping to help an old man.”

“My friend, you helped me. I discovered that I was unhappy with the world and I was part of the problem. Now I’ll be part of the solution. No more with me!”

“Then this was meant to be,” he said smiling.

“You know God sends me gifts every day and always at least one special person. You w! ere my gift for today! Let’s go get some chocolates, my friend.”


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Hermaphrodite

After the woman gave birth to a baby, her Dr. stood solemnly at her
bedside.

I have something I must tell you about your baby.

“What’s wrong?” the alarmed mother asked.

“Your baby is a hermaphrodite.”

“What’s that?”

“It means your baby has both male and female parts.”

“Oh my God!” The woman exclaimed. “You mean it has a penis and a brain?”


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Oklahomanisms!

To those of who aren’t from Oklahoma, this might give you a little bit of insight into where I come from.

Things I Have Learned About Oklahoma:

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Oklahoma.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Oklahoma, couple no one’s seen before.

Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.

There are valid reasons some people put razor wire around their house.

A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.

The wind blows at 90 mph from October 2 until June 25, then it stops totally until October 2.

Onced and twiced are words.

Coldbeer is one word.

People actually grow and eat okra.

Green grass DOES burn.

When you live in the country, you don’t have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your gate in the middle of the night.

The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first couple of weeks.

When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it’s time to go to the doctor.

Fix-in-to is one word.

A tank is a dirt hole in the ground that holds water for irrigation, watterin’ the cows, or swimming.

There ain’t no such thing as “lunch”. There’s only dinner and then there’s supper.

Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two.

Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

‘Jeet?’ is actually a phrase meaning, “Did you eat?”

You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is.

You work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.
More Oklahomanisms:

You know you’re from Oklahoma if:
You measure distance in minutes.
You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
Stores don’t have bags; they have sacks.
You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
You use “fix” as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.(Note: in the portion above “fix-in-to” is one mouth.
There is a Braums in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as “goin Wal-Martin” or, off to “Wally World.”
You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.
A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola, or Coke…it’s a pop.
You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from Oklahoma.


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What a Word

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her “Hello, How are you ! We’ve been waiting for you ! Good to see you.” When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, “This is such a wonderful place ! How do I get in ?” “You have to spell a word,” Saint Peter told her. “Which word?” the woman asked. “Love.” The woman correctly spelled “Love” and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. “I’m surprised to see you,” the woman said. “How have you been ?” “Oh, I’ve been doing pretty well since you died,” her husband told her. “I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And, my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer. How do I get in ?” “You have to spell a word,” the woman told him. “Which word ?” her husband asked. “Czechoslovakia.”

Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry … there’ll be Hell to pay later.


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THE POSITIVE SIDE OF LIFE

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.

Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.

Happiness comes through doors you didn’t even know you left open.

Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?

Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.

We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors….but they all exist very nicely in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day, and know that someone who thinks you’re great has thought about you today!..

“And that person was me.”…..

Please don’t keep this message to yourself…..send it to those who mean so much to you…. “NOW”..