Gee Mail

All that stuff that the grandparents forward….

New Tourism Rules

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> Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and > Westerners cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, > Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and South Dakota; > those states’ Tourism Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines. > In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list > will be handed to each out-of-state driver entering the area: >
> 1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before > breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
> 2. It’s called a ‘rock road’ or a ‘gravel road.’ No matter how slow you > drive, you’re going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel > drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way. >
> 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, > we saw Bambi. We got over it.
> 4. Any references to “corn fed” when talking about our women will get you > whipped… by our women.
> 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don’t cry to us if a > flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those > little trout you fish for…bait.
> 6. Pull your pants up and turn your cap around. You look like an idiot. >
> 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their > final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don’t have it up to > your ear at the time.
> 8. That’s right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what > you paid in the airport for one drink.
> 9. No, there’s no “Vegetarian Special” on the menu. Order steak. Order it > rare. Or, you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham > and turkey.
> 10. If you bring Coke into my house, it had better be brown, wet, and > served over ice.
> 11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We’re > real impressed. We have $250,000 combines that we use two weeks a year. >
> 12. Let’s get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when > it’s red. We may even stop when it’s yellow.
> 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks–because they want to. So, > you’re a feminist? Isn’t that cute.
> 14. Yeah, we eat catfish. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s > available at the bait shop.
> 15. They are pigs. That’s what they smell like. Get over it. Don’t like > it? Interstates 70, 80, 90, and 94 go two ways – Interstates 29, 35, 39, > and 65 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly. >
> 16. The “Opener” refers to the first day of deer or pheasant season, both > religious holidays. You can get breakfast at the church.
> 17. So every person in every pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. > Understand the concept?
> 18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don’t hit in the water hazard. It spooks > the fish.
> 19. That Highway Patrol Officer or State Trooper that just pulled you over > for driving like an idiot…his name is “Sir”…no matter how old he is. > Now, enjoy your visit.


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