My husband and I had bought some gadgets for our almost
teen-age grandsons and were leaving the store when we
realized we didn’t have batteries. He stepped over to a
counter to get the batteries but couldn’t attract the
attention of the clerk.
I waited for a little while then said “I’ll get a clerk
over here real fast.” With that, I pulled out my pocket
tape measure and started measuring a large TV set.
Amazingly, a clerk leap-frogged over several pieces of
furniture to reach my side in jig time.
To his “may I help you?” I said – “Of course. I’ll take 8
of those batteries over there.”
I did my nurse’s training at a hospital in Liverpool, England.
My fellow students and I had little money for meals, so we
ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex. We often
took our breaks in the kitchen, and sometimes kindly vistors
would give us some of the treats they had brought for patients.
One night a woman brought a pork pie to the kitchen and said
to me, “Would you eat this up, love?”
Delighted at the offer, another student and I devoured every
crumb. Soon our benefactor returned, however, and asked, “Is
me ‘usband’s pie ‘ot yet, dearie?”
A lawyer’s answer to the question: How many lawyers does it take to
change a lightbulb?
Answer: Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated
task in a timely and efficient manner within the stricture of the
following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as
‘Lawyer,’ and the party of the second part, also known as ‘Lightbulb,’
do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the
second part (Lightbulb) shall be removed from the current position. The
aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not limited to,
the following steps:
(1) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder, or any
other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Lightbulb)
and rotate the party of the second part (Lightbulb) in a
counter-clockwise direction, this point being nonnegotiable.
(2) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Lightbulb)
becomes separated from the party of the third part (Receptacle),the
party of the first part(Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of
the party of the second part (Lightbulb) in a manner consistent with all
applicable state, local and federal statutes.