Gee Mail

All that stuff that the grandparents forward….

A world without lawy ers?

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By Flash Gorman

New York, NY – The American legal system was thrown into turmoil yesterday
when a man decided not to go ahead with a legal claim. Carl Burgess from
New York was involved in a road traffic accident early last month and
initially was going to sue for damages. Said Carl “The lawyer guy seemed to
think it was a good idea and I was kinda impressed at the way he’d run four
blocks behind the ambulance, so I gave him the go ahead.”

So far a typical American story, but events took a bizarre turn when Carl
decided to drop his case. “I thought about it for a while and decided it
wasn’t worth making a claim. I only had a few bruises and my car took a
couple of dents. I thought that if I claimed then I would be pushing
everyone else’s premiums up and that just wouldn’t be fair. I’ve knocked
most of the dents out my car, so I reckon it’s time to move on”.

Unsurprisingly Carl’s decision has been heavily criticized by the American
legal system. A spokesman from, top US law firm, Shyster and Dodge made the
following comments.

“Whilst we appreciate Mr Burgess’ right to change his mind, we are worried
that this may be the thin end of the wedge for the American legal
profession.” explained the commentator.

“People have to appreciate that lawyers need to make a living and without
easy pickings like auto accidents, some firms may be unable to survive. I
don’t wish to alarm people unnecessarily but in a worst case scenario we
could be looking at a world without lawyers. And I think I can safely say
that no-one wants to see that.”

Mindful of this worrying prospect, lawyers are working to pass a new Bill
through Congress. Under this proposed legislation, lawyers would be able to
pursue a claim of behalf of a plaintiff without the plaintiff’s permission
being given. This legislation could only be applied where there “is a clear
and present danger that the lawyers revenue would be adversely affected by
the claim being dropped.”

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