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All that stuff that the grandparents forward….

The Anointed One

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He ventured forth to bring light to the


The anointed one’s pilgrimage to the Holy Land is a miracle in action – and a

blessing to all his faithful followers

And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil

Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the

Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid

barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness.

The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple

family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white

person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child

walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional

detour into the odd weed and a little blow.

When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in

the City of Chicago, arguing the finer points of community

organisation with the Prophet Jeremiah and the Elders. And the

Elders were astonished at what they heard and said among

themselves: "Verily, who is this Child that he opens our hearts and

minds to the audacity of hope?"

In the great Battles of Caucus and

Primary he smote the conniving

Hillary, wife of the deposed King

Bill the Priapic and their barbarian

hordes of Working Class Whites.

And so it was, in the fullness of

time, before the harvest month of

the appointed year, the Child

ventured forth – for the first time –

to bring the light unto all the world.

He travelled fleet of foot and light

of camel, with a small retinue that consisted only of his loyal

disciples from the tribe of the Media. He ventured first to the land

of the Hindu Kush, where the

Taleban had harboured the viper of al-Qaeda in their bosom,

raining terror on all the world.

And the Child spake and the tribes of Nato immediately loosed

the Caveats that had previously bound them. And in the great

battle that ensued the forces of the light were triumphant. For as

long as the Child stood with his arms raised aloft, the enemy

suffered great blows and the threat of terror was no more.

From there he went forth to Mesopotamia where he was received

by the great ruler al-Maliki, and al-Maliki spake unto him and

blessed his Sixteen Month Troop Withdrawal Plan even as the

imperial warrior Petraeus tried to destroy it.

And lo, in Mesopotamia, a miracle occurred. Even though the

Great Surge of Armour that the evil Bush had ordered had been a

terrible mistake, a waste of vital military resources and doomed

to end in disaster, the Child’s very presence suddenly brought

forth a great victory for the forces of the light.

And the Persians, who saw all this and were greatly fearful,

longed to speak with the Child and saw that the Child was the

bringer of peace. At the mention of his name they quickly laid

aside their intrigues and beat their uranium swords into civil nuclear energy ploughshares.

From there the Child went up to the city of Jerusalem, and

entered through the gate seated on an ass. The crowds of

network anchors who had followed him from afar cheered

"Hosanna" and waved great palm fronds and strewed them at his


In Jerusalem and in surrounding Palestine, the Child spake to the

Hebrews and the Arabs, as the Scripture had foretold. And in an

instant, the lion lay down with the lamb, and the Israelites and

Ishmaelites ended their long enmity and lived for ever after in


As word spread throughout the land about the Child’s wondrous

works, peoples from all over flocked to hear him; Hittites and

Abbasids; Obamacons and McCainiacs; Cameroonians and


And they told of strange and wondrous things that greeted the

news of the Child’s journey. Around the world, global

temperatures began to decline, and the ocean levels fell and the

great warming was over.

The Great Prophet Algore of Nobel and Oscar, who many had

believed was the anointed one, smiled and told his followers that

the Child was the one generations had been waiting for.

And there were other wonderful signs. In the city of the Street at

the Wall, spreads on interbank interest rates dropped like manna

from Heaven and rates on credit default swaps fell to the ground

as dead birds from the almond tree, and the people who had lived

in foreclosure were able to borrow again.

Black gold gushed from the ground at prices well below $140 per

barrel. In hospitals across the land the sick were cured even

though they were uninsured. And all because the Child had

pronounced it.

And this is the testimony of one who speaks the truth and bears

witness to the truth so that you might believe. And he knows it is

the truth for he saw it all on CNN and the BBC and in the pages of

The New York Times.

Then the Child ventured forth from Israel and Palestine and

stepped onto the shores of the Old Continent. In the land of

Queen Angela of Merkel, vast multitudes gathered to hear his

voice, and he preached to them at length.

But when he had finished speaking his disciples told him the

crowd was hungry, for they had had nothing to eat all the hours

they had waited for him.

And so the Child told his disciples to fetch some food but all they

had was five loaves and a couple of frankfurters. So he took the

bread and the frankfurters and blessed them and told his disciples

to feed the multitudes. And when all had eaten their fill, the scraps

filled twelve baskets.

Thence he travelled west to Mount Sarkozy. Even the beauteous

Princess Carla of the tribe of the Bruni was struck by awe and

she was great in love with the Child, but he was tempted not.

On the Seventh Day he walked across the Channel of the Angles

to the ancient land of the hooligans. There he was welcomed with

open arms by the once great prophet Blair and his successor,

Gordon the Leper, and his successor, David the Golden One.

And suddenly, with the men appeared the archangel Gabriel and

the whole host of the heavenly choir, ranks of cherubim and

seraphim, all praising God and singing: "Yes, We Can."

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