>A GOOD PUN IS IT’S OWN REWARD
>Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.
>A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.
>Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
>A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. >Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
>I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
>If electricity comes from electrons . . . does that mean that >morality comes from morons?
>Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
>A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
>Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
>Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
>Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
>Banning the bra was a big flop.
>Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.
>Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
>A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
>Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
>A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
>Without geometry, life is pointless.
>When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination. >Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
>Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
>When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
>A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
>Dijonvu – the same mustard as before.
>A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
>A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
>What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway.) A backward >poet writes inverse.
>In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes. >She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
>A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
>If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
>With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
>Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you A flat >minor.
>When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
>The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. >A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum >Blownapart.
>You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
>Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
>He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
>Every calendar’s days are numbered.
>A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine. >A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
>He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
>A plateau is a high form of flattery.
>The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at >large.
>Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. >Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
>Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
>When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d >dye.
>Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
>Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
>Acupuncture is a jab well done.
>Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat. >The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of