Gee Mail

All that stuff that the grandparents forward….

Noah & The Ark, 2012

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In the year 2012, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United
States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good
humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard –
but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need for a
sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the neighborhood
zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height
limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the
future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to
clear the passage for the Ark ‘s move to the sea. I told them that the sea
would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane
to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an
environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on
how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.

The trades unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only
Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to
leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish
this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched
across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you’re not
going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

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